Sunday, December 31, 2023

The Worst Year in Movie/Television History?


Have we hit rock bottom? I can't remember a year more bereft of quality entertainment. The high points are middling fair that, ten years ago, would be utterly forgettable. Most of the casual viewers I know have turned off new releases and are indulging in offerings of the past (something backed by streaming numbers), and who can blame them? There are so many excremental failures that top-five and top-ten lists of them are littered with honorable mentions. This is the year Rotten Tomatoes got exposed for fudging the numbers, various companies were busted for bot-farming social media, and on and on. Let's take a look and we'll include a few late December, 2022 offerings. Let's also keep in mind the joke from South Park: put a chick in it and make her (gay/diverse) lame--every film and show that fits that criteria is going to be marked in red (I detailed this for film in case it's unclear, but it's obvious for TV). The Disney chart below, via Dan Murrell, is on the conservative side of loss estimates.

Film (organized by box office)
  • Little Mermaid (Disney) - 569/297
  • Before people pop the champagne comparing this to what's below, the film did not break even and it appears as though Disney is quietly retreating from the race swapping for future endeavors (cf). South Park fit: race-swapped lead.
  • Mission Impossible 7 (Paramount) - 567/291
  • Illustrating that star power remains useless, Tom Cruise's franchise is on life support as this lost money, so how will you bring people to its Part Two?
  • Elemental (Disney) - 496/200
  • Another poorly thought out effort that failed to land with fans and lost money
  • Ant-Man 3 (Disney) - 476/200
  • In terms of harming the MCU overall, this is the worst film of the year, even if The Marvels performed much worse financially--the IP (Ant-Man) is completely dead. SP fit: race-swapped villain; race-swapped Jentorra (an odd one, as a Moroccan became Asian)
  • Transformers 7 (Paramount) - 438/200
  • No idea why they are still making films for this franchise, or spending this much money on them; SP: leads are all DEI
  • Indiana Jones 5 (Disney) - 383/300
  • This film is so dumb it's painful; a last ditch effort to make Phoebe Waller-Bridge appeal to a mass audience--she can return to small films and shows better suited to her (limited) female audience; SP: Waller-Bridge inserted
  • The Hunger Games (Lionsgate) - 318/100
  • The toxic Rachel Zegler managed to turn off the female audience intended for this very late addition to the franchise (the books have completely fallen off the map for its original teenage audience--an audience author Suzanne Collins has clearly lost touch with); SP: Zegler as the lead
  • The Flash (WB) - 270/220
  • WB decided to push hard with the felon lead (whom, in the aftermath of career destruction, has given up his pronouns); SP: besides Miller himself (they/them at the time), race-swapped Supergirl
  • Aquaman 2 (WB) - 258/215 (still in theaters)
  • Box office is still ongoing, but this film is suffering purely as a product of how bad prior DC and Marvel efforts have been--the prior film was just as goofy & nonsensical as this one
  • Dungeons & Dragons (Paramount) - 208/150
  • This occasionally entertaining DEI-infused Guardians ripoff cost far too much money and simply didn't do anything interesting enough to bring people in; Baldur's Gate 3 (the video game) used the same restrictions and made something massively successful--good writing and ambition can push through the nonsense. SP: filled with diversity
  • The Marvels (Disney) - 205/275
  • Originally Captain Marvel 2, Bris Larson is so toxic she couldn't be trusted to carry the film and no one watched Ms. Marvel or cares about Monica Rambeau, so this bombed harder than any other MCU film in history (carrying the usual nonsensical plot, horrific characterization, etc)--only people with no expectations might have enjoyed it. The most amusing thing is the film was made for women, but they avoided it far more than the male audience (old diverse men showed up); SP: the Carol Danvers-Valkyrie romance was filmed, but cut, so we have Tom Hiddleston's fiancĂ© Zawe Ashton (because nepotism is a thing) in for extra ESG points
  • Napoleon (Sony) - 201/200
  • Director Ridley Scott happily spit in the faces of people who wanted something more historical accurate and received one of the worst bombs of his career as a result--at his age, I don't think he learned anything from the experience
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Paramount) - 180/70
  • It has been a long time since Seth Rogen/Evan Goldberg had their finger on the pulse of the audience, so I'm not sure why Paramount thought they could 'figure out' TMNT. SP: April is race swapped
  • Wish (Disney) - 148/200
  • Yes, the same basic concept that turned Wonder Woman into a rapist was employed again--ESG splattered all over the screen on an animated film that has cost Disney millions. We have a diverse lead (Ariana DeBose).
  • Shazam 2 (WB) - 133/125
  • Barely anyone saw the first family-friendly drama and the results here prove that whatever numbers it gained on video/TV are meaningless. SP: several race swaps, as well as the standard switch of the original (or prior) iteration being black (as seen in Doctor Who, The Witcher, and so on)
  • Blue Beetle (WB) - 129/120
  • A character no one had ever heard of, the DEI version was picked and the utterly bizarre Latino family drama/comedy that ensued appealed to no one. SP: it's all DEI.
Every superhero release this year except Guardians 3 makes the list and that movie disappointed as well (continuing the downward trend for James Gunn films). The commonality isn't even the pernicious and restrictive ESG/DEI overlay, it's the atrocious writing. Plots are incoherent, characters are one-dimensional and either bland, annoying, or unintentionally creepy. All of these films lack ambition and don't address anything relevant to people's lives (philosophically or tangibly). Even films intended to be mindless entertainment (like Mission Impossible) could not make the grade. The stupidity that's seeped into the industry is so saturated it's difficult to see how it can change (it certainly won't in 2024, as all the films slated for release were made before this embarrassing crash).

Television/Streaming
  • Velma (HBO Max)
  • This embarrassing, unfunny, oddly vindictive effort from Mindy Kaling was the She-Hulk of the year and deservedly laughed at just as much as Jessica Gao's moronic effort. It was so bad that, despite appearing early in the year, it's made everyone's list of worst shows.
  • Witcher season 3 (Netflix)
  • From my point of view all seasons of Witcher have been bad, but it is by degrees and we have finally reached rock bottom. I knew, back before we ever got the show, that showrunner Lauren Hissrich was awful because I'd seen her work before (Jessica Jones season two), but this was the final straw for the few remaining fans. Not only has Henry Cavill departed, but now author Sapkowski is shitting all over it. Very few people covered the season and it vanished from the public eye like a fart in the wind.
  • Witcher: Blood Origins (Netflix)
  • You couldn't ask for a more overt ESG/DEI show backed with horrendous writing (Declan de Barra as well as Hissrich); it screened so poorly for executives that it was re-edited and shortened prior to release, but that still didn't help
  • The Wheel of Time season 2 (Amazon)
  • The first season was an incoherent mess and this one was actually worse--so much so virtually no one watched or reviewed it. While being one of the worst shows of the year, somehow it's not the worst fantasy effort.
  • Secret Invasion (Disney)
  • Yet another D+ show no one watched; Nick Fury is unrecognizable as a grumpy old man (almost identical to Indiana Jones above), as the show's nonsensical and stupid plot goes on to ruin MCU continuity and then largely be ignored in subsequent projects
  • Cleopatra (Netflix)
  • The second (and certainly last) season of Jada Pinkett Smith's 'documentary' series African Queens; when you piss off the nation you're supposedly representing (Egypt), maybe you should reconsider--then again, Netflix is doing the exact same thing with Hannibal, so nothing was learned
  • Rings of Power (Amazon)
  • The DEI/ESG-infused nightmare hit audiences flaccidly and despite an enormously expensive advertising campaign failed so miserably they have to pretend (just like Witcher did) that they'll stick closer to the lore (a lie and something impossible to do at this point anyway)
  • Willow (Disney)
  • This was so poorly received that it's been pulled--the show is gone, removed--better to be shelved forever as a tax write-off than continue to irritate and disappoint audiences
  • Loki season 2 (Disney)
  • I didn't cover season two as barely anyone watched it--the show continued the handoff to the (obviously better) female version and killed off Loki himself (following in the footsteps of Hawkeye, She-Hulk, etc)
  • Mandalorian season 3 (Disney)
  • I disliked the prior seasons, but they were successful; the show suffered mightily from the bad lead-in that was Boba Fett, and it's now clear casual fans have given up on Star Wars
  • Ahsoka (Disney)
  • Dull, boring, pointless; cookie cutout imitation of most of what's above, but exhaustion has set-in for the IP
  • Gotham Knights (WB)
  • Another lazy, dumb, CW-style show that decided a Gotham show needed to start with a dead Batman
  • National Treasure: Edge of History (Disney/ABC)
  • Yes, this show existed. Lauded for great numbers, it was mysteriously cancelled--very Lovecraft Country/Watchmen of them
  • Robyn Hood (Global TV)
  • You're forgiven if you've never heard of this, but it's a hilariously awful DEI/ESG effort out of Canada that's exactly what you'd expect it to be--this one might be bad enough to enjoy as unintentionally funny
This list could be a mile long, but I've highlighted the ones I'm most aware of (all of which had IP or historical precedents to assist in their marketing). Unlike with film, all of these choices fulfilled their DEI/ESG ambitions (and who doesn't like the ruling elite, am I right? Bill Gates wants what's best for me, I'm sure of it). Above incoherence and terrible writing, the worst part of most of these shows is that they are boring. A Neil Breen film has the first two elements, but you can at least be entertained by the magnificent stupidity of Double Down. There is none of that here. The amount of money spent on this is obscene and all the shows failed to accomplish both their financial and ideological goals.

While we know ESG is going away, the companies who propped it up will continue to funding those goals, so what's going to happen? The SAG strike will cut back some DEI hiring in terms of showrunners/writers, but the goalposts won't change. What needs to happen is big companies, like Disney, need financial disaster--to be forced to actually appeal to the audience rather than do the bidding of trillion dollar companies. Will we get that in the future? One can hope, but it's unlikely to happen next year.

This article was written by Peter Levi

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